Relationships

They are perhaps the most essential element in anyone's life. Without them we would be lonesome and our days would seem endless and daunting. Everyone needs someone to confide in, or share their fears and favorite moments with. Bonds form the fabric in the business world as well, as alliances and associations are what help a venture get off the ground, thrive, and keep customers for life. Our connections can help shape our behavior and personality, and even make us live longer healthier lives, when they are reciprocal. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. We'll wax on about relationships on this week's episode of FYI! 

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[Music] they are perhaps the most essential element in anyone's life without them we would be Lonesome and our days would seem endless and daunting everyone needs someone to confide in or share their fears and favorite moments with bonds form the fabric in the business world as well as alliances and associations are what help a venture get off the ground Thrive and keep customers for life our connections can shape our behavior and personality and even make us live longer healthier lives when they're reciprocal I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship we'll wax on about relationships on this week's episode of FYI welcome to for your info English you got it you got[Applause][Music][Applause][Applause][Music] it hello hello hello and welcome to this another exciting episode of FYI and today we're going to tackle relationship and as I said in the intro they are probably the most essential element in basically anyone's life and it's true without them we would be Lonesome Lonesome is another way of saying lonely I used it on purpose because as you guys know I love putting all different vocabulary and expressions in the intro and obviously throughout the rest of the episode as well and then I said without these these relation ships we would be Lonesome and our days would seem endless and daunting and I know you know endless seen But daunting is intimidating abante hey those are some difficult words to say in Spanish well in English it's daunting and it's true everyone needs someone to confide in to trust in someone to share their fears their de deepest darkest fears and also the good moments as well and we'll talk about friends who are there for Only the Good moments we have a name for them in English do you know it they're called Fairweather friends friends that if you call them with a problem they're nowhere to be found but we'll talk about a lot of idiomatic expressions that have to do with all kinds of relationships not just friendships but let's continue with our intro for now then I use the word word bond a bond is a special connection I think you Sayo and we use it as a verb too I love bonding with my daughter and that's kind of like creating memories and moments together but it's not just the basis of a family relationship or a romantic relationship it also forms the fabric in the business world as well as we all know alliances and associations are very important in business I even heard someone say business equals relationships period the British say full stop and the word alliances just be careful I've heard people mispronounce it Alliance and the person is an ally you say aliad not to be confused with Aly Ali is a dark little road which usually doesn't have an exit like a dead end or a space between buildings but word we're looking at is Ally alliances and then I use the word Venture which is another way of saying a project or a business I said it can help you get a venture off the ground and I think you say the same thing or something similar in Spanish but that means to get something started also to thrive I can give you another word to prosper to thrive and also the hardest part not just getting customers but keeping them for life and keeping keeping them happy that my friends is all about relationships and people skills I also said our connections can help shape our behavior and personality and we'll look at the sociology and psychology as well and believe it or not relationships healthy ones can even make us live longer lives obviously if they are reciprocal and we'll talk about the dark side as well we'll talk about abusive relationships because unfortunately all relationships aren't ideal very few are but it's like everything you've got to work at it you got to put time and effort into it that's how you're improving your English well you want to improve your relationship with your wife or your husband or your sister well you got to put some time and energy into it I believe those ingredients are necessary for anything in life and relationships are like trees they're like plants you know one of my hobbies lately is gardening and if you take care of it you give it a little attention you nurture it well that little plant that little Sprout becomes a big tree one day and I guess we could apply that to relationships as well and then we heard a movie quote and I know we looked at English and movies a while back but does anyone know where this movie quote comes from I'll ask my student who knows most about movies my movie Queen chrisv roll do you know it I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship it is the last line of the classic movie Casablanca and we looked at it in the movie episode do you remember the line Frank did you say frankly I don't give a damn or actually I think the full line is frankly my dear I don't give a damn that movie gave us a lot of lines and then I wrapped up saying we'll wax on about relationships and that reminds me of another movie line wax on wax off wax on wax off Daniel Son but also to wax on about something is to talk in depth about it so what are relationships we might as well Define them if they're so important maybe it'll help us understand them better according to maslo hierarchy of needs humans need to feel love sexual and nonsexual and acceptance from social groups so that's family or peer groups we talk about our peers iges in fact the need to belong is so innately ingrained in kado that's a word I learned doing this show remember I'm learning Spanish too guys so yeah everybody wants to belong it is an innate thing it's ingrained in us since we're babies relationships are also important for their ability to help people develop a sense of self it shows you your place in the world there's nobody like a good good friend or a family member who can put you in your place because nobody knows you better that's also something that can make them push your buttons and nobody likes it when you push their buttons but nobody knows how to push your buttons like a good friend or family member and relationships are part of an individual self-concept so it even affects the way we see ourselves and the way we interact with others so in other words one's emotions and behaviors are shaped by relationships especially prior relationships do you want to know where all your problems come from your parents it's not because your parents are bad people no no it's because those are the first people you saw so whatever quirks whatever things they did or didn't do really affected you whether you like it or not that was the first relationship you ever had so if somebody is needy in a relationship it's probably because they didn't get enough attention from their parents again I'm not a psychologist but they say the root of a lot of people's issues with themselves and other people come from prior relationships namely their first ones their parents and as a parent that puts a lot of responsibility on you I always say it with my daughter she's not just listening to my words she's watching my actions and I strive every day to have a healthy understanding loving relationship with my daughter and of of course my wife my immediate family if not it could be a living hell imagine if we were always arguing we didn't respect each other we were shouting at each other and sadly many people live in these kind of Vicious Cycles these relationships that are abusive so let's look at it what are the pillars of a healthy relationship I just typed that into Google and the first one is are you ready for this I think we need a drum roll[Music] communication it's what we're working on here every week so it's important to be a clear Communicator not just in English but also in your own language and to not beat around the bush be honest with yourself and with others number two trust how can you have a relationship with somebody you can't trust are you a trustworthy person I try to be a man of my word because I think that is one of the essential pillars and I don't think anybody will disagree with me there whether you're a trustworthy person or not next on the list respect how can you love somebody how can you live with somebody how can you call somebody your friend your brother if you don't respect them and again if you don't respect them maybe you have a deeper issue that you don't really respect yourself a lot of the way we treat others is a reflection on how we feel ourselves next up commitment you say com miso I commit to being with you I don't want to be with another person I commit my time my energy to you careful with that word it is a false friend because we have another thing and it's compromise and to compromise is they did to give and take so careful with those false friends honesty which honesty I think is directly linked to trust equality does your wife do all the housework do you do all the housework I don't think anybody should do all the housework whoever can get it done gets it done there are days when I do more than my wife there are days when my wife does more than me the important thing is nobody's counting we're doing it for the team we always say team Lara so you don't want to do things reluctantly you want to do them with a smile on your face because you want to not because you feel like you have to your relationship shouldn't be obligations if they are maybe you should take a look at those relationships again don't take any advice from me because I'm not a psychiatrist or anything anything like that but I have had my share of good relationships and really bad relationships I'm a very trusting person so people have screwed me over time and time again and now I'm teaching my daughter to be tough and to not trust people easily because I want her to learn from maybe some of my mistakes which I don't really think they're mistakes we're always trying to find that balance between being you know somebody who's trusting but not being gullible or being you know reluctant but not being power paranoid another one is being friends even if your wife you know you have that sexual attraction which as we will talk about that sometimes Fades but again if you don't work on it what's going to happen to the plant if you don't give it water it's going to wither and die but being best friends well besties that's what we call ourselves in my family Lara's my bestie my wife is my bestie together they're my besties meos so aside from being my daughter my wife I enjoy spending time with them we laugh we tell jokes we have a friendly relationship now when my daughter starts saying bro I'm like I'm not your bro I'm your dad I don't know where she picked that up she's four and a half years old and she's calling her dad bro I don't think so kid and that'll bring me to our next thing boundaries your space starts in where mine does I don't mean go around your house with a tape measure and measure everything but everybody has their limits their boundaries their personal space that they need even your children nobody wants to be hounded hounded is AOS also you need to have a sense of safety in any relationship you need to feel safe protected I know if somebody tries to break into my house I'm not even going to Flinch I'm going to get up grab a knife and go after that person so my wife my daughter and myself so we can feel safe also it's having things in common that doesn't mean you have to be like exactly the same like two peas in a pod but you have to have some things that you like to do together like my wife and I for example she doesn't like Aviation but that is wonderful because Aviation that's my time she doesn't like roller coasters that's my time by the way our final episode of FYI is coming up I should say the final episode of season 6 and it's going to be on coasters but that's my thing it's not her cup of tea it's right up my alley we looked at the word alley earlier but then we have things that we love to do together we love going to the movies we love talking about certain topics so I don't think you have to be exactly the same in fact they say opposites attract but then you also have to respect each other's differences and my wife even though she doesn't understand how I can just watch videos of planes taking off and Landing she respects it okay she teases me but remember we said that the people who love you the most are the ones who know to push your buttons I think you say toas but it's always in a joking fun way never malicious we already said compromise not to be confused with commitment also humility sometimes you just got to be humble you don't have to win everything I always say being right is so overrated if being happy is option b then I'll take option b so sometimes maybe I want something and my wife wants something else in the end I think how important is this on the grand scale of things in fact if we're doing something that my wife likes to do and she's smiling that makes me smile when I see my daughter doing something or having fun that makes me smile so my happiness doesn't only come from me it comes from them seeing them happy seeing them safe seeing them communicating and supporting each other and don't forget about empathy and there are many other pillars of a healthy relationship but right now we're going to move on to the different kinds of relationships so first we've got family those are the people you share the same blood with so these are your siblings siblings is a good word CU instead of saying do you have any brothers or sisters you can just say do you have any siblings so your siblings your folks your mom and your dad that's your immediate family then you got your extended family your aunts and uncles your nieces and nephews your in-laws if you're married by the way we looked at all of this in the family episode with my mom give it a listen because we are family I got all my sisters and[Music] me we are family and in that song they say a really good expression they say they say we're like birds of a feather and it comes from the expression birds of a feather flock together and honestly the expression is so common that you can just say birds of a feather so your family technically the people that you are the closest to but as we always say you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family and we also say you can pick your friends you can pick your nose but don't pick your friend's nose these are little sayings that we've been saying since we were kids and I believe family you know your blood family that's you know that makes you who you are and affects you more than any other relationship in your life as we said before cuz it's the first and it's when you're the most impressionable when you're a little sponge and don't forget when we talk about family too you can have a stepdad or a step mom this is if there's a divorce and your parents get remarried and then you can have a step brother or a step sister now a step brother or a step sister you don't have any blood in common with them however if you have a half brother that means you share one parent it gets a little bit confusing let's talk a little bit about siblings because that's a really important relationship I mean even our best friends we use the Expression my brother from another mother or my sister from another mister a shout out to my sister Natalia what's up Natalia sibling relationships have a profound effect on social psychological emotional and academic outcomes although Pro proximity and contact usually decreases over time which is the case of my sister and I were separated by the Atlantic Ocean we do talk every day though so the bond is still there because sibling bonds continue to have an effect throughout your whole life whether you have a good or a bad relationship with your brother or sister that is one of the big ones one of the ones that you'll carry around with you and sibling bonds are one of the few enduring relations ships humans may experience and obviously the parent child relationship affects it as well oh your dad's favorite your mom's favorite you know then there's that bickering you're vying for your parents' attention it's normal it's called sibling rivalry that doesn't mean you should beat each other up but there's a normal competition that goes on I've got to say my sister she says it all the time she says Alberto you made my childhood fun and I said oh wow thanks it's a really sweet comment she goes there was never a dull moment with you we could be at the doctor's office in the waiting room and you would be telling jokes or changing the lyrics to a song or putting on a funny voice so I appreciate that I I I guess I had a a positive effect on my sister and one never knows you know and you don't know as a parent if you've done a good job and even if you have done a good job there are many other factors what about these people who abandon their parents and go join a cult which by the way we have an FYI episode on Cults if you haven't listened to it so that kind of sums up family relationships then we've got interpersonal relationships and this is a strong deep or close Association or acquaintance between two or more people oh and there's a good word so you know the word friends well acquaintances are just a little bit further away from friends so there are people you say hi to you keep in touch with but they're not technically your friends I think you say kidos and a lot lot of different relationships fall into the interpersonal category the main themes or Trends you'll find are kinship friendship love marriage business as we said in the intro clubs neighborhoods and the analysis of relationships draws heavily upon social sciences such as anthropology Linguistics sociology economics political science sence communication mathematics Social Work cultural studies and so much more and the scientific analysis that originally evolved during the 1990s has become known as very logically relationship science and as with every science there are different theories the Third Kind is romance or romantic love and this is a connection between two people driven by love Andor sexual sexual attraction maybe even lust these relationships are usually more intimate and there are a lot of theories over here as well two popular definitions of Love Are One called sternberg's triangular theory of love and Fisher's theory of Love Now Sternberg the first guy defines love in terms of intimacy passion and commitment he claims that they exist in varying levels in different romantic relationships Fisher on the other hand defines love as composed of three stages attraction romantic love and attachment and then as many of you know there are polyamorous people there are people who are monogamous some people are in a thruple have you heard this one this is when three people are dating I haven't really figured out how that works but it seems like anything goes but really if you break it down all romantic relationships are based on openness or not so do you have an open relationship where you can see other people or sleep with other people or a closed relationship even some religions in the United States they condone polygamy and here's an interesting fun fact humans aren't the only species in the animal kingdom that practice monogamous relationships other animals out in the wild that practice monogamous relationship ships are beavers otter wolves seahorses and barn owls these are animals that will generally have one partner throughout their whole life and we'll take a look at a lot more fun facts in the bonus episode we'll also take a look at business relationships we'll also look at miscellaneous we'll learn words such as freny and we'll talk about bromances and all that jazzz and we'll talk about true love does true love really exist well I believe it does and I'll tell you that story in the bonus episode it's the story of how my grandparents met we'll talk about what those butterflies in your stomach are and we'll also talk about the dog side we'll talk about relationships in pop culture and tons of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions all that in the bonus episode and remember guys if you want access to the bonus episode every week all you have to to do is join us over on patreon.com Alberto Alonso there are over 200 of us learning and laughing together and what a great group we've got and not only do they get access to a bonus episode they also get PDFs with all the vocabulary and you can even get classes with me that all depends on your level of involvement but the important thing is go over check it out and see if it's right for you it's patrio/ Alberto Alonso oh and the second you sign up you have access to thousands of posts audio posts video posts excerpts from my book classes there's a wealth a treasure Trove of English content that will be available to you the second you sign up so check it out it's on patreon.com Alberto Alonso and I'd like to send a shout out to all my patrons is especially my super duper students Mara Javier and Paco and my Interstellar students Garmin Lena Issa Paco David Jose Maria and Edgar keep up the great work folks and those of you who haven't joined us yet what are you waiting for also don't forget I have a daily radio show it's on vaugh radio you can search for the show with no name it's a 2hour live show every day and you can interact with me I also have five books all designed to help you enjoy the learning process and laugh out loud in fact before we get going let me give you guys a little excerpt from my latest book this book is the [ __ ] in this audio we look at the silent be give it a listen I think it's the bomb[Music] is this your new friend amig Tom Ryder Tom rder oh Tomb Raider Tomb[Music] Raider dum cross it out THB[Music] THB I've become so numb Lincoln Park Numb Ino Tom Raider Tomer okay my mom is the is the the bomb my mom is the bomb my mom is the bomb is the bomb okay esal climb climb climber climber I'm climbing I'm climbing I'm climbing I'm climbing okay com you comb your hair with a comb you comb your hair comb the desert doubt doubt no doubt but doubt doubt doubt not not doubt doubt doubt I doubt I doubt it debt debt I doubt he has any debt I doubt he has any debt I doubt he has any debt yeah it's very subtle subtle subtle subtle there you go Amigos that is from my book this book is the [ __ ] available wherever fine books are sold and we're going to wrap up the first part today with a quote from John Lennon the one and only John Lennon we've got this gift of love but love is like a precious plant you can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself you've got to keep watering it you've got to really look after it it and nurture it I think John Lenin was on to something there and to be on to something means the Ron I hope you guys enjoyed the first part and I hope you'll join us in the bonus episode of this week's FY[Applause][Music][Music]